Coming off the peak
My being caught in the economic collapse last fall, was laid off in December, has submerged me into a internally reflective world. I have oscillated through the anxieties you might imagine and fully felt and processed the depression that comes with being unemployed during such a malignantly depressed job market.
No job in sight.
I have had my homesteading life to distract me.
I spent the early winter ordering seed catalogs, I spent the mid winter starting seeds (we have such a small growing season here have to give the plants a head start indoors), I spent the very cold early spring trying to build semi-warm environments in my garden for some of my starts and then spent mid spring lamenting the fiercely rainy and cold weather.
During that early spring (snow, ice) we experienced our first kidding season so I was also busy being a midwife doing on the job training. We lost one momma goat and gained 10 baby goats, whew. I wish these animals didnt do this when its still frozen solid outside.
We are now milking with a mechanical milker and getting between 2 and 3 gallons of fresh goat milk a day. I am starting to make all sorts of cheese and we are sharing these with friends who appreciate raw goat milk cheese and other products.
We are now dreaming of the possibility of a dairy to make raw goat milk cheese for sale. We dont have the money for this but, who knows, perhaps there are people who love our goats milk who might want to help us out.
Still no job in sight. Our unemployment benefits are running perilously close to out for both my husband and I (did I mention that we were both laid off?).
There is this massive cognitive dissonance – we have built a fantastic homestead that gets better every day but it seems we could easily lose it all if we dont find some gainful employment soon!
Most of the time I shut all of these thoughts out. Today, I decided to spill them out there for you to read.
I feel like am at the bottom of the curve in terms of fiscal and emotional resilience. I know that its not helpful to feel hopeless but you dont really have much of a choice, when you do or do not feel hopeless. There are so many external factors that I am not able to beat into shape.
I know I am talented in MANY different ways but I still find myself unemployed. Many of my talents and passions lie outside of my schooling so my resume is rather toxic when I try for jobs that do not require a PhD.
It really doesnt matter how smart you are but rather the types of connections you have and my network is as brown and shriveled as you might find at the end of the growing season after a few frosts and storms.
I am not asking for sympathy, just opening a window into my world at the moment. Who knows. Maybe I will win the lottery or, gasp, actually get a job (lottery seems more likely) and my next story will be about starting my dream – a self-sustaining life boat community in a far away land.
June 30th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
Hang on in there, you are inspiring many of us.
June 30th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Martin – thanks! You help me a lot with your TT initiative updates and progress, does the heart good
June 30th, 2009 at 11:01 pm
Our system is certainly no longer appreciative of the non-specialized individual, nor of those who work so hard at truly productive, responsible lives. It may well be very very hard for a time, but I think the talents you and your family are developing, the knowledge being gained and the new networks being built will eventually lead to some kind of stable comfort again.
I also share the lament of a horribly short growing season. We had frost last week…
Peace and comfort to you and yours.
July 1st, 2009 at 9:16 am
Frost – OMG – I knew you had it bad there but man – thats evil. You definitely know our pain.
The pathway to some sort of financial solution is completely obscured to me. Back in the “olden days” people passed their farms down and added a bit at a time (likely like the farm you are trying to save).
This meant that there was not an enormous debt to be managed (but there was still debt, new debt in the 20th century as farmers were forced to mechanize and not save seed and hyper-farm in ways that only made the bankers rich).
Before the time of the later industrial modern age of Big Ag, one could balance on farm productivity with possible off farm supplementation..
Its really honestly difficult to see how that can happen now without a massive change in the realities of our lives (eg: relocalization so that my goat cheese is not competing with Big Ag cheese from California, and other ways I find hard to visualize).
We are not a farm, we are a homestead. I dont expect to make profit – just wholesome food for us. It doesnt work without my working tho.
When I was referring to skills I wasnt actually thinking about my ability to trim goat hooves or midwife a kid or garden. Those are labors of love for my family and the animals.
I have lots of 21st century skills (like writing, photography, graphics, speaking skills, knowledge of a broad array of sciences, etc) that do not add to my CV as a PhD cell biologist.. this is what is frustrating.
I had been hoping to find a “green job” but I cant seem to find any that would find my CV attractive.
Ok, there you go, way too much info!
July 1st, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Thanks for sharing, Nika. What you described is just about exactly how I imagined your situation, 21st century skills and all, and I didn’t mean to speak light of the predicament. I just figured you were brain deep in considering it all so I didn’t want to say too much or try throwing advice at you when I am sure that is in no short supply either.
I know from your posts here that you are facing the possibility of that massive change in reality. I can only imagine what it must be like to be in such a situation with so many lives in your responsibility. Yet, what I had meant was, you are in better shape facing such a change, having both your homesteading and 21st century skills than not having them…I hope anyway.
For myself, it has always just been me so getting by on nothing is not really so worrisome. This is starting to change now as I have realized my parents are aging and I am aware of how soon the support system may crumble, leaving children to eventually care for parents as things used to be. I do not think that either my brother or sister have accepted the reality of or started to prepare for the world that is coming soon.
I suppose that in the back of my head has also been a knowledge that I could always go back to the farm. But you are right, times are very different from the 70’s and 80’s when I was growing up there. In addition, due to the land sale we only have access to the lion’s share of field land for another 2 years after this one. This means planning a significant shift in operations in order to recoup lost income. Not that they have been farming that land heavily for a few years anyway, but I could have gone back to increased acreage sown or more head of livestock raised. However, due to location I think there is good potential for intensified production through starting a diverse nursery/permacultural design company. The nursery would mean some debt tho, but I think food production debt is going to be worth it.
I wish I had a job to offer!
July 1st, 2009 at 3:01 pm
I didnt get a sense at all that you were speaking light, no worries!
I definitely would encourage you on the nursery and perma design company – will be demand in future and your region has special challenges!
Just sent you an email re: transition towns
July 30th, 2009 at 12:57 am
I feel your pain. This is the reason I’ve hesitated in buying a house this year. Homesteading only really pay off when you are debt free.
July 30th, 2009 at 8:34 am
G: “doomstead”! Love that term! We never figured we would be profitable or debt free – built this place in 1995 within the usual context of a place to live. Its certainly not going to be debt free any time soon unless I win the lottery! Thanks for writing!